If I Don't Write I Might Explode

I am not sure where to even begin. I need to be writing daily, more than once daily, but with Dany here it is a bit hard to fit it in.

Being back is a huge transition, a bit bigger than I thought actually.

I want to embrace everything and everyone, but am then reminded that people are pre-occupied with other things here...their hearts aren't quite as open as mine at this moment. And I get disappointed...but I wanted a big hug and a genuine hello, I think to myself, and got just the opposite....where is everyone? why can't you be present with me?

as much as i have been challenged for the last seven months, i have also been greatly privileged. I have lived around people who genuinely care, genuinely take time, and genuinely hug. have eaten food, real food from this earth, nothing processed, nothing that comes in a box. nothing shipped in from other countries. been surrounded by a city that is a live...ah, i feel like i have so much to say, but need to give myself time to say it all. i need more time with myself, to write, to think, to reflect. i feel like i am on super drive right now. como fast forward, like everything is happening, but fast, and its hard for my mind to calm down.

i want to share my experience without assumptions. i want to sit down, for someone to listen, to really want to know, and to not judge. i need to release, but have found no one to release to yet. although i know it will come, i am impatient. trying to find patience for myself.

being back here reminds me of the little things. why can i not find masa, or fresh squeezed juice? why do three pounds of tomatoes cost ten dollars? why is each peach one dollar? no wonder people who earn little in this country are sick. it disgusts me. i am tired now, needing to sleep, but also needing to release and to write. again, much more to come, much more, and breathing, breathing through it all.

but wait, before i go....some people here just have no freaking clue. live their lives as if there is nothing worse than that is going on in their own. conversations are typically pretty senseless. we are so stuck in this world. it is time to begin to share others. before i begin to rant i will go. until next time, soon. peace.