Palmitas y Pan

Sunday was Palm Sunday. I went with Dany to meet her family in Cuernavaca where they were selling Palmitas, little trinkets, dolls, baskets, etc. made out of palm frawns. Well not a palm frawn exactly, but definitely some part of the palm tree. Out of one stick of the palm frawn, as we will call it for now, I learned how to make at least six types of gadgets! (See pic. below...and yes, I can make these!)



People take them into church with them on Palm Sunday and then hang them in their houses. I could make one in the amount of time that Dany made about six. Her family had left Cuentepec at about 4'30 a.m. to arrive in Cuernavaca on time and reserve a good spot to sit outside of the Cathedral. By 11 o´clock that evening they had yet to return home. The walls outside of the entire cathedral were filled with people selling palmas, or something of the sort. People would pass by and buy them as they wished.

It was a completely humbling experience to sit on the ground with Dany, her mom, and dad to make and sell the palmas. I had never actually sat on the ground to sell anything in my life. It is quite a different perspective when you are sitting on the ground and have people walking above you. It is hard for me to pinpoint and explain exactly why this experience was so humbling, but it was. Every year Dany and her family go to the cathedral to sell palmas for Palm Sunday. Each one cost 10 pesos, which is a little less than a dollar.

To make the palmas, all one needs is one of the palm frawns, for it has many leaves which can be peeled from it and these are what are used to make a palma! It is fascinating how many different types of palmas you can make out of one stick of palm frawn. Unfortunately, I didn´t have my camera with me...

AND GUESS WHAT??????

You will never believe....so you know how I talk about the wonderful Panaderias with all of the fresh pan? Well today Dany and I made it! I am definitely writing down the recipes and taking them home....

(Here it is!)

Tomorrow temezcal and then I am off to Cuentepec for five days for Semana Santa! Wish me luck!!!

Being a Woman.....and men (not being one, but just men in general...)

I am not sure where to begin with this one, but gender has become huge for me so far on this trip. Gender is not something I have given second thought to until now and all of the sudden I feel completely effected by it every day. Although Estela was ranting about men practically every day, and the significance of being a woman, I just wasn´t really getting it. Now, however, it is starting to click. Just starting, but its taking my head all over the place! In the society I have grown up in, women are commodities, products, and men use them so. We are bought and sold in all sorts of shapes and forms. We are used and thrown around not only for our bodies and sexual appeal, but also for our motherly characteristics that most men need and find great comfort in. This does not mean, however, that as I woman, I must hide from and be ashamed of my beauty. It simply means that I must learn how to protect it. We are naturally beautiful beings and there is no reason to shy away from that, only to embrace it and protect ourselves from the lure it attracts. Women in India, for example protect their children by putting lines of thick makeup around their eyes. Create your mask before you go out onto the street, Estela always tells me. Paint your eyes to ward away that at which comes at you... And although she says it jokingly, she is dead serious. Practice your evil eye and use it when necessary. Ha! Its hard for me but I am trying...

If men do not begin to learn how to treat and act towards a woman respectfully and not treat her as a cheap product, women will begin to resent and hold huge grudges. I definitely hold resentment, distrust, and grudges that I am trying to learn how to release. I am not sure how to even begin to teach men how to think and act towards women, but I am at least for now learning how, as a woman, to protect myself from their draining (at times) energy and games.

All of these thoughts, and many more, are completely swimming around in my head, and because they are new concepts (well not new concepts, but new, gosh, I am not sure...new wake-up calls, maybe)... for me, I will share them with you bit by bit, or as you would say here, poco a poco...We will see where they take us...

Kyle´s Day....(Yes, an incredibly long blog BUT an important one)...

Suddenly the world around me stopped and I finally felt like I was not running anymore. It is about 8 p.m. and I have just finished eating a salad with a tortilla made from blue maiz. I realized it had been the first time in awhile that I was by myself, and it felt good to simply sit and enjoy eating fresh food. I think it is for this reason that I finally feel like writing again. I haven´t been able to sit down and reflect for weeks...like I said, for whatever reason I felt like I was running and now I have stoppped. I spent two weeks with mom and dad here in Mexico. They were here for one week in Cuernavaca and we explored the whole city and surrounding villages including Cuentepec and Tepotzlan. Then we flew off to the beach near Zihuateneo where we stayed a week in Troncones, a town flooded with rich white yuppies who think they have the right to settle down and build their million dollar beachfront homes. Well, perhaps they do have the right, but due to the fact that the local schools have no water and or resources something just does not seem right to me...So I left having decided that Troncones was not a place for me. I ate my fish, got some sun, met a beautiful boy who ended up being a complete joke, took a few yoga classes, and ya, that was that!

(me and the fam...)

I came back to Estela´s house feeling off. Being with my parents definitely took me back to the reality of the United States and obviously I am not ready for that yet. I was talking with Estela about how I need to prepare myself to go back so that I can handle not only life there, but myself in my life there. This is what I am here for in some sense, I guess...

Upon returning home, we had a celebration for Kyle. How to explain what happened, I am not sure, but I will being to try...Kyle had spent the weeks digging a hole for himself in the earth out back. It looked like a hole for a grave and he could fit his whole body in it. Upon the hour of this celebration, he made an offering consisting of flowers, beans, corn, chocolate, a lime, and a candle and entered into his hole. Face down, in a fetal position, he began to scream into the hole, not unlike what I did with Estela on the beach. Estela, Dany, and I were rattling rattles and standing around the hole in support of him while he screamed out all wanted thoughts, intentions, past events, etc. etc. Estela was screaming, I cannot hear you Kyle, scream louder! Thirteen times, three times over, Kyle took a deep breath in and screamed his heart out. Estela, Dany, and I rattled away and in the background Estela´s voice was present, Kyle, we cannot hear you, come out little boy, come out.....She smacked branches and herbs onto his back to take out even more. Throughout this whole process I began to feel like I was in a trance, a deep meditation, and by the end I was completely relaxed, feeling like a new person again. After about an hour we left Kyle to rest and later that evening he buried his hole and placed his offering on top. Upon walking up the stairs to my room to go to bed that night, I was greeted by the light from the candle burning below. It was powerful, and beautiful.

Like I said earlier, this ritual was for Kyle to release, get rid of, and throw out negative energies, thoughts, pasts, etc. The next night, however, Estela, Kyle, and I were sitting around the table drinking tea and Kyle mentioned something about being a new person, like a budding flower, or something of the sort. Whatever he said triggered Estela into on of the best lectures I have heard in a long time. Oh Kyle, she told him, you are nowhere near being a new person. This was just a tiny, tiny step, a little flick of the dust in the dirt pile. You will have to work your entire life to transform yourself....She then began to talk about how society is not only structured by class, but by groups as well. She spoke of how the two main groups are the rich and the poor, and began to speak of the subcategories of these two groups. The hierarchy, according to Estela, goes as follows.

1. Rich, White men
2. Poor White men
3. Rich men of color
4. Poor men of color
5. White women
6. Rich, or educated women of color
7. Women of color

She spoke of this complex for at least an hour. Nothing of the lecture was new to me, it has all been a part of my Pitzer education, but for me it is always empowering to be reaffirmed of it. Empowering because it reminds me of my goals and intentions in life – to work towards breaking this hierarchy, its dark, thick walls that have placed society so. I don´t think Kyle left with such a sense of empowerment. Like Estela said, it is hard to hear the truth, and the whole time Estela was talking Kyle´s face became a deep flush of red. At the end of her lecture Estela asked if Kyle had anything to say and he had nothing. He went off to bed and woke the next morning looking quite disfrazzled and out of place. However, this is the lecture that people need to hear. It is so important because not only is it the truth, but we must learn to change it. I so wish I had recorded the whole lecture, because it was simple, truthful, and beautiful. However, I left that evening realizing that part of the reason I broke down last semester and felt incapable of doing work that reaches towards breaking these barriers is that I had not worked through breaking through my shit, my barriers first. This is something the institution does not teach us to do, and for this reason I am here learning how to do just so. It is SO hard for me to focus on myself first without having a tendency to want to jump to changing the system part. But it is important, and I am learning how day by day.

So, I went to bed that evening thinking to myself, what are we doing to re-educate ourselves and how can we go about doing this? I have decided that I would like to further explore alternative and innovative methods of teaching, learning, re-learning, thinking, and healing. Before I titled this blog, Kyle´s Day, I was going to title it Power versus Strength. I will instead end on this note, because it is power that we must change and strength that we must build. Good night.

Frustration

I am 45 years old and still make mistakes, says Estela. I will be 80 years old and still be making mistakes as well. We can´t be perfect. We can strive to be better every day but we cannot be perfect. We are human beings. And if we strive to be perfect we will be frustrated and angry at ourselves. And it accumulates.... This was part of the morning mantra from Estela. Kyle was explaining how he felt bad that a rock had fallen down when he was starting the temezcal, and Estela was explaing to him that he should absolutely not feel sorry and that if we continue to blame ourselves it will only accumulate into anger, self-doubt, and self-hate. We make mistakes, take note of them, and move on. Yes, that happened, we learned from it, and not it is part of the past. It is interesting, because in Spanish typically people do not say, oh, I should I have done that, or I should have remembered that, or I should have brought it, darn! This is a common saying in English that Estela advised me to not use in Spanish. Instead, think in terms of, oh, yep, I forgot that, and I will remember for next time...we are always learning and will always be...

Joy

Five-thirty a.m. Wake up. Six o´clock a.m. In the car, on my way to San Juan to watch the sun rise. Seven o´clock. I have arrived. The sun beat me to it, but the view was nevertheless fantastic. Fresh, cool air, echoes, birds, flowers, friends. Couldn´t ask for more. My breakfast was a sweet Tamale. Pink. Not sure why, but still tasted good. Oh, and I learned more about the history of chinelos! During the European invasion, the indigenous people of Mexico were not invited to any of the events or parties of the Europeans. So what did the indigenous people decide to do? They decided to have parties of their own, and dress up in robes like the Europeans wore as a joke, to make fun of them!

Estela arrives tomorrow and so will end my ten days with Dani. I have come a long way in ten days. Pretty fantastic. I have fully enjoyed myself with her. Tonight, after having dinner with my parents, we took the bus back to Temixco and treated ourselves to ice cream. I got a chocolate popsicle and Dani un canasta con chocolate, vanilla, and strawberries and cream with chocolate and nuts on top. We sat together on the steps outside of the panaderia eating our ice cream together. Completely enojying eachother´s company. And of course, we couldn´t leave without stopping by the panaderia. Aye, I am one lucky girl...


(PS - epic man, don´t you think?)

Stable. Gounded. Strength.

This morning Kyle asked me what I was thinking when I was blowing smoke of copal from the sahumador para limpiar todo antes de prendemos el temezcal (this is hard to directly translate, but it signifies clearing out any bad energy before we start the temezcal). At first I wan´t sure how to explain my feelings or sensations, but later I threw out the word stability, then groundedness, and then strength. Kyle came up with the term, ´stable grounded strength´and we left it at that. And so begins my explanation of starting up the temezcal by myself for the first time! I woudl like to think that today marks a significant transition of my stay here. I woke up feeling different, stronger, and full of joy. I had a breakfast of fresh fruit, hot oatmeal with milk, and tea, and Kyle told me that it was time I learned how to start the temezcal. After blessing the temezcal with copal smoke, I cleaned out the inside, and started up the fire in the backside. Thirty minutes later I was full of soot and ash, but what fun it was! I must have thrown in about 20 pieces of wood to start it up, and as the temezcal heats up, I will only add more wood. So far it already feels bien caliente (really hot). We will see how it is in a few hours...it takes at least three hours to heat up properly...


(Me after starting the Temezcal)

Dani and I took another treck to Temixco in search of miel, honey, for my throat, which is a bit sore today. The simple walk ended up being a grand avdenture, as always. We walked downtown to search for honey, but on the way stumbled upon many things....We found miel, but decided to compare its price with honey in the bigger market, and on the way to the bigger market we stubmed upon un festival en el centro! Había chinelos, who are men with mustaches in crazy, fun, colorful, and sparkling custumes. They also wear tall, silly hats and dance to a band of trumpets that makes you want to jump up and down and dance like a goofball! Along our rounds of Temixco, we happened to stumble upon peanuts, chocolate, and horchata! Life doesn´t get much better than that....


(Un Chinelo)

Now that I have started this blog I can´t seem to stop. When I am thinking to myself, my mind races with thoughts and ideas that I want to write in my blog. What fun!

Okay, so the temezcal that I started this morning....five hours later, was SUPER caliente! It felt absolutely amazing to feel the intensity of the heat but at the same time continuously throw cold water all over my body! When I exited the temezcal, I could feel my energy moving throughout my entire body. It was absolutely fantastic, thrilling, and energizing! My life is full of natural highs such as this...dancing also does the same ting...When I was giving thanks for my presence and the presence of others around me in the temezcal I had an epithony that the temezcal is not only to release negative energy. It serves a purpose to release todo, joys, sorrows, pains, revelations, etc. The intensity of the heat releases sensations from my body and the cold water washes it all away. Powerful...fantastic...amazing!

Let´s see...other cleansing treatments I shoudl probably share with you....When I was in Zihuataneo with Estela, we walked to the beach early in the morning, practiced yoga on the sand, dug holes in the sand, screamed out guts out into the ground, buried ourselves, and buried everythying once again. We then ran into the water, jumped, sang, and felt completely renewed and energized.


(La playa)

There are tons of activities and exercises like this around here...sun baths, for example...literally bathing yourself in the sun. Lots of cold water, herbs, smoke from the sahumador, etc. Etc.

Everything is flowing right now for me...my language, my thoughts, my energy, my friendships. It is not only energizing, but renewing and refreshing.

A World of Wonderment and Warmth…

This piece was originally written for Estela´s blog, and in Spanish. It has been directly translated into English...

Two months ago I arrived here at Estela´s house in Temixco, Morelos. I will be here for six months. I am a student at Pitzer College, a university in southern California, and for my experience abroad I choose to come be a part of Estela´s word!

I could write for days and days about my experience here, but for now, I want to give you a taste of my life here.



Life is magical! The colors, smells, the sun, water, wind, and fire…I have all of the elements in my life.

Every day is different. In the mornings I wake up at six thirty or seven to practice yoga, breathe, meditate, and watch the sun rise. Later, I put cold water in my face to be present, I pick herbs to make tea, I put yogurt with mudo n my face, y cut fruit. In the mornings there is always a lot of fruit....papaya, bananas, apples, and sometimes eggs with salsa and tortillas....tortillas always made by hand. Later, we wash the plates, clean the kitchen, sweep, and yes! The day can begin!

I learn new things and concepts every day. For example, I am leraning how to care for the corn meal of the tortillas in the same manner that people need to care for their bodies. With bread also...We make bread every week to share amongst ourselves, family, friends, and neighbors. In fact, the people here have a concept of giving and sharing that we do not have in the United States. We are always working together, and not because we have to, but because it is a value here in this country, a practice passed down for generations.



My days are always filled with spiritual rituals to take out and clean everything, for my body, mind, and soul. I am always breathing, inhaling and exhaling everything. Sometimes quietly and sometimes outloud singing, screaming, whatever I want! Also, I am never only cleaning my body, mind, and soul, but I am also always cleaning the food, the house, clothes, the gardin, the floor...everything...to move the energy and release what we think we want and need in life.

The elements of hot and cold are also always present. I feel the heat in the Temezcal but at the same time I throw cold water on my face, spine, and stomach. Ah! It feels amazing! The food also has the same affect. For example, there are always very hot salsas, but the salsas are accompanied with something fresh and cool like a natural juice.


This is a taste of the elements in which I have the privledge to have in my life now. Every day is new, and I am learning something new every day. I continue to wonder, think, breath, and learn as the days pass. It is an honor to be here.